On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize