Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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