i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
