The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
