i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
