We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
