The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
