Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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