No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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