wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
