i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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