This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
