you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
