The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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