Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Watching her eat just hurts me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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