you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
