does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
