theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize