it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
