Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
