Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
