i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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