Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
