Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Houston, we have a squirter
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize