do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
