omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
