Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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