o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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