please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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