you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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