We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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