did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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