so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
