you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
