How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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