I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
