you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
