I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's just like the Real World with babies
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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