we're blogging at a bar
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
