I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
