why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
