how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
