Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think my tv is drunk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
