you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
