so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
