maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
