Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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