I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
