Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
