there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
