Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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