I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
time to smoke my breakfast
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
