I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
