Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
