I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
