I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
