4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
