I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
