Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
