my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
