I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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