It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize