You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
