there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
