The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
