Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
3pm strippers are depressing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
