Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
