guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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