carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
