I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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