u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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