i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
