chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
