life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
