Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
50% drunk capacity currently
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
