I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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