And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize