Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
