He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
