Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
