I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
