I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
