If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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