Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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