and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
