If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
