youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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