"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
