Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
