You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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